Broken
by AliasSpyCrazy
Summary: Chapter two up! AU. After X3. She came back, Logan was with her after everything that happened. Then Maddie was born. But now she's gone again. And left them both broken. Okay, bad summary but please read. Even if you're not for JL pairing, you'll like it
1. Chapter 1

Okay, first off, I don't know what I'm doing. I have all these crazy idea's and I've never written and X-men story but I've been wanting to, and well, you let me know if I should go on or let it go

I don't own X-Men or anything affiliated by it….although I really, really, wish I owned Logan….sigh….okay, so now that's out of the way. Here's my fic.

Please review!

Thanks!

Happy Birthday to you!

Happy Birthday to you!

Happy Birthday Dear Maddie

Happy Birthday to you!

It was days like these that he hated her. It was in these moments that only added to all those that she already missed, that enraged him. What type of woman would leave something so beautiful, so innocent?

"Make a wish Maddie" Aunt Marie said.

He though they were happy, was he really that wrong? Was he really that naïve to think for that time she was his, she was utterly happy just like him?

"Yay! I blew them all in one breath" Madison clapped, praising herself.

"What did you wish for?" Bobby asked the little girl who was dressed in her very pretty lilac dress.

"I can't tell you uncle Bobby! Then it won't come true!"

That made him smile, "Yeah, you're right. I'm sorry. I had forgotten I can't trick you into that anymore"

"Like Bobby" Jubilee exclaimed, "You haven't been able to trick her into doing that since she turned 3"

Maddie smiled "Yeah, and today I'm 5! I'm a big girl now. I can start school with all the other kids"

Why couldn't he just let it go? It had been five years. Five years today that she chose to walk out the door, out of his life, and out of the life of his beautiful baby girl.

"I want to open my presents!" Maddie said in total excitement. "Please? Daddy can I?"

She looked so much like her it hurt. Every time he had to look into her eyes, those gorgeous big green eyes, comb through her long silky red mane, and wash her light milky skin…it all screamed _her_.

"Of course you can, sweetheart" He answered. "Let's see what we got!"

"Daddy! It's what I got, not you! It's not your birthday!" His daughter retorted, her tiny hands on her hips.

And it made him laugh. "Of course not; I'm sorry honey. Let's go open _your_ presents"

Smiling in approval, Maddie ran off to the table holding all her gifts.

"Just take your…." Ororo suggested "…Time" But was too late, Maddie had already ripped open through a couple of her presents.

Laughing, Ro turned to Logan "Gee, and we wonder who she got that impatient attitude from?"

Five years and not one call; five years and not one glance. She missed his baby's first smile, his baby's first step, Maddie's first word…1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, and now 5th birthday.

Logan just stared at Maddie. Was the pain ever going to go away? Would a day come when he wouldn't be reminded of _her_?

"Hey Daddy! Look what Aunt Ro got me!" Madison Sophia yelled, obviously excited. "Rollerblades! Yesss!" She ran up to Ororo and gave her a big hug.

"Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! How did you know I wanted these?" Maddie had then sat down and ripped open the box, to take them out.

Laughing, Ro bent down to her level "Just a wild guess, I suppose?"

"Can I put them on, please? Please? Pleeeeease?" She begged her dad, giving him the puppy face she'd long mastered.

Logan just groaned. "Thanks 'Ro!" There's a reason I hadn't gotten them for her!"

The older woman just smiled. "Yeah but that's what aunts are for. We just buy them what we want, and send them off to the parent to deal with."

"Stop being so dramatic, Logan" Kitty jumped in. "I'll take her outside." And with that she grabbed Maddie by the hand and carefully rolled her out to the door.

"Thanks Daddy! Love you, Bye!" The little girl yelled from the door as it closed behind them.

"So did you have a good time?" Logan asked as he tucked Maddie in, sitting on the edge of her bed.

"The best!" She answered, beaming her beautiful smile.

"I'm glad" Logan moved a loose strand of hair from her face. "So what did you wish for?" He asked her, curious to know what his daughter wanted this time.

"Oh, I asked for lots of stuff!" She eagerly replied. "And I already got one of them"

"Oh? And what's that darlin'?"

"My cool rollerblades! Isn't Aunt Ro the coolest?"

Logan laughed. "Yes, she is. But what about everybody else's presents didn't you like 'em?"

Madison looked at her dad, as if thinking _well duh! _ "Of course I did Dad! I liked them all. Like the princess DVD collection Auntie Marie gave me! That was so cool, now you can watch them with me all the time!"

_Gee, great!_ Logan thought, but kept smiling.

"The really nice chest box with my name you gave me, I really did like it daddy. And, and, um I really liked the little make-up bag I got from Kitty and Jubes!"

"Um, yeah. I think we'll hold off on that one, okay munchkin" Logan said, not wanting to see his 5 year old in make up. Not _ready_ to see his baby in make up…not now, not ever. Because make up to Logan, meant wanting boys attention…and that'll be the day, when Maddie had a boyfriend! Not if he could help it.

"But Daddy!" Maddie whined. "I promise not to keep it on! Just for fun, before bed time! I promise to wash it off! Really" She said, trying her best to convince him. "Girl scouts honor" She held up her little hand.

"Darlin, you've never been in any girl scouts!"

She smiled, "That's why!"

Logan simply shook his head.

"We'll see."

Maddie pouted.

"Now, no pouting or your face will stay that way" Logan told her.

She burrowed her eyebrows. "Yeah right, Daddy!"

"I'm serious! Then you'll be walking like this all day!" Logan soon mimicked her pouting, while crossing his eyes, making her laugh.

"Alright. Time for bed" He said in all seriousness. "Here's Mimi." He handed her, her teddy bear she's had since birth. It was old, worn out, and missing an eye button. But without it, neither would find sleep; her for not having it, and him for her not falling asleep.

"Sleep tight" Logan bent down and gave her a kiss. "I'll see you in the morning"

"Night daddy!" Madison replied, as her dad stood up and walked off to turn off he light.

"Night Maddie. Now go to sleep" And he switched off the light as he walked away.

"You know what Mimi?" Madison talked to her tightly clutched bear. "I really only asked for one thing. But I didn't tell daddy because I know he doesn't like me talking about it."

Logan stopped walking. Even though he was further down the corridor, with his senses he heard her clearly. And standing there, in the middle of the isle, with a frown on his face, he listened.

"I wish my mommy hadn't died." Maddie choked. "I wish she was here on my birthday to give me a kiss and a big hug like daddy does all the time." She sniffled. "Do you think she's an angel, Mimi? Aunt Marie said that when nice people die, they turn into angels and they watch over the people they love."

By now, she was holding her bear impossibly tighter.

"I think she is." Maddie paused. "I love you mommy." She announced to no one in the dark. Almost as waiting for a reply she knew wouldn't come, but still hoping it would.

She sighed. "It's okay Mimi, I know she loves me. You and I both know she does. But let's not talk to daddy about our secret angel okay? He gets really upset when I ask him about mommy."

Madison stopped to think. "I think he still loves her, and that's why he hurts when I bring her up. But I love my daddy and I don't want to make him sad, okay Mimi, so it'll be our little secret that mommy is my angel."

By now, sleep was almost taking her into its grip. And her last words before drifting off to her dream land, where "Goodnight mommy"

Down in the corridor, Logan struggled to swallow. The aching lump, stuck on his throat making it hard to do so. As a single tear slid out of his eye, he angrily whipped it away.

Yes, it was moments like these that he hated her. It was in these painful heartaches that only added to all those she had already caused, that enraged him. What kind of woman would cause such pain to someone so innocent?

Logan then knew, one that wasn't worth it. One that in the end; was no woman at all.

Okay, that's chapter one.

What did you guys think?

I've never written an X-Men fic so I'm really skeptical about this. I'll try my best, but only for you guys.

If you want more let me know. And I'll update as soon as I can.

I work all the time, so it wont be right away, but I promise to do my best.


	2. Chapter 2

Okay here's chapter two. I hope you like it.

I don't own anything that has to do with X-Men but Maddie is all mine and they can't have her! LOL.

Please review.

Thanks!

_I gave her my heart._

He wouldn't find any sleep on this night, not on _this_ night.

_Why didn't I see it?_

Logan laid on his bed. Once again doing the same thing he had done the previous four years on this date. Think of _her_.

_What had gone wrong?_

She had come back. After Alcatraz, she was alive. No one knew how, and she never wanted to explain so nobody pushed.

_Maybe it was her coming back that did it._

They had become friends. He had pushed his feelings aside, was there for all those nights that she had broken down. When her nightmares would mix in with reality and all she wanted to do was kill herself.

"_Please just let me do it" She begged._

"_I can't do that darlin'… you know that!" Logan held her tight._

_With heavy tears running down her face, she held him tighter. "Please" was her whisper in agony. "Please just let me just do it, Logan"_

He hadn't known what to do. His inner beast wanted to come out and claw at anything in sight. Not understanding why the woman he loved, was hurting so much. Why she just wouldn't let him in.

"_Darlin' you need to stop this!" He found her again in her bedroom alone in the dark, secluding herself from anything else alive._

"_This has to stop! Why can't you let me in?" Logan pleaded._

_And she looked up at him, the once beautiful green eyes full of live, gone; replaced by a cold, emotionless stare that would even cool Logan to his bones._

"_I hate you" She whispered. "I hate all of you!"_

It had hurt to hear her in such pain. To know that each passing day was worse than the one before and he was powerless to stop her falling deeper into the abyss of depression she had created.

"_Let's take a walk" Logan asked her. Any distraction would be good for her._

"_No." She answered in a flat tone. She was like a statue. Would hardly eat, hardly sleep, hardly live._

"_It's really nice outside. You should see 'Ro's garden." He tried convincing her._

_She would simply stare at the blank wall._

"_You know, there's lots of' people wantin you to get better. Why are you doin this?" _

"_Because I don't care" Was her chilly response._

"_But I do!" Logan answered immediately. "I do" He stood above her and picked her up._

"_What are you doing, Logan!" She yelled._

"_I'm taking you for a walk! And I don't want to hear another word." He answered, and once she had seen the look of determination along with something else, she simply stopped fighting, too tired to do so._

"_Fine" she lastly whispered._

And it had been a nice walk. For the first time since she had come back, in the four months she had been there, she looked at peace. The way the light would shine her hair, and how her green eyes seemed to pick up a little spark again, made Logan understand that no matter how long it took, he'd always be there trying to get her back to normal.

And it worked. Or so he thought.

"_Was that a smile?" He teased._

_She looked down, "Nope! It was a twitch" She said, but looked back at him._

_He smiled at her. "Okay darlin' whatever you want to call it. But to me that was a smile."_

"_Well, maybe it was an upside down frown, did you think about that?" She joked back with him._

"_Right! Of course, how could I not see it?" _

It had been a nice spring day. Eight months since she returned. Four of which she finally tried living again. Two of which she actually acknowledge those around her and one of which she seemed to be almost okay.

"_I had missed it." Logan said, "Your smile"_

_She played with the grass underneath her, rubbing her feet absentmindedly across the lawn. _

"_I'm glad you're better" He later said, holding her hand._

Maybe it was just him wanting to see her better. Maybe she never was okay to begin with.

"_I'm okay now, really I am" she reassured him._

Maybe he just wanted so badly to believe it, he didn't try harder.

"_Thanks for everything, Logan" She said, still wrapped in his embrace._

"_You're welcome, darlin." He whispered back._

_She pulled back a bit, and after running her hand across his face, she leaned in and kissed him. _

Was it his love for her that had blinded him?

"_I love you" He honestly said._

"_And me you" She answered, wrapping her arms around his chest._

_They were together for over ten months now. And Logan couldn't remember a time when he was happier._

"_You know darlin, I was thinkin." He absently said, running his hand along her naked back._

"_Mmm, and what's that?" She whispered, enjoying his touch. _

"_We should get married."_

_She jumped up, and stared at him._

"_Is something wrong?" He asked._

"_No, no. Nothing is wrong." And she just looked at him._

"_We don't have to, it was just a thought" He tried to take it back._

"_No, its okay." And after a pause she finally said, "Let's do it."_

She hadn't been ready. Why hadn't he seen that?

Was it his love for her that had blinded him?

Six weeks later they were married with a small ceremony at the mansion. They spent their honeymoon in Canada. He had even stopped taking missions except for the occasional musts.

They were doing good, even great in his opinion.

They were just missing something. Something Logan would have never thought he wanted. He was always the loner, the one to want to get away from it all; the one that couldn't stand being in one place.

_But not with her, never with her._

And ten months later, he asked.

"_I think we should start a family."_

Her first response was that she wanted to wait longer. So he waited six more months before he asked her again. She had responded that she was too busy with teaching the kids and helping 'Ro run the mansion.

So he waited another four months and asked her again.

"_This is a really big deal to you, isn't it?" She asked._

"_Darlin, I want us to have this. A family that I can't even remember having, and I want to do it with you. What's wrong with that?" _

_She looked at him, and after a pause she said "Okay, let's have a baby"_

Maybe it was him that pushed her too far.

Two months later, she was pregnant. He was ecstatic, she would simply just smile. They decorated the nursery in baby lilac paint months before knowing the gender of the child, but reassured by Logan that it was a girl.

Nine months later, Madison Sophia Grey was born on October 3rd.

Logan was first to hold her.

"_I'm just too sleepy, and I don't want to drop her" _She had told him. And after sixteen hours in labor, why wouldn't he have believed her?

"_It's probably post partum depression." Hank had said._

"_She probably just needs more time to herself." Moira assured him._

They were back barely for a month, and things had fallen apart again. Everything Maddie would do seemed to upset her even more. The only time she was at ease was when Maddie slept.

"_I have to go get some air." She said, leaving the crying baby for Logan to tend._

"_Where are you going?" He asked. "Do you have to go now? The baby obviously needs you!"_

_She looked at Logan, and saw the baby calming with his rocking, "I really doubt that Logan. And anyway, she likes you better." _

He had let it go all those times mostly because when she would come back, she was okay. She would even take the baby from him, sit on her rocking chair, and hold the baby till they both slept.

But her leaving for a couple of hours, sometimes even take three days, was killing him.

Was it him that had pushed her too far?

"_She's almost going to be one! Can you believe that darlin?" He held Madison up in the air._

_She simply didn't look interested. "Yeah, she's getting big"_

And then it was the morning Maddie turned one.

"_Hey Logan!" Marie said, holding a bubbly Maddie, blowing spit bubbles from her mouth._

"_What is it kid?" He said, trying to concentrate on the task at hand_

"_Maddie here is to go with you, says her momma. And she wanted me to give you this."_

_As Logan turned around, he was handed the baby along with a plain white envelope._

"_Thanks, kid"_

_Marie crocked her eyebrow, "Logan…"_

_And he knew where she was going "Yeah, yeah, not a kid, got it."_

_She smiled. "Well I'm taking off, have fun with the munchkin." She said, while tickling Madison._

"_Yeah, later kid" He yelled after her. Smirking at Marie's groan._

_After Marie had left, he placed Madison on his hip and curiously eyed the envelope._

"_Mmm, so what did your mom do this time, eh?" He rhetorically asked the baby._

Maybe it was him that hadn't tried hard enough.

_I'm sorry Logan. I can't keep pretending that everything is fine. It's not! I hope you understand. It's nothing that you did, it's just me. I can't keep doing this to you. It's unfair to the both of you. I'm sure you'll be fine without me…you have been all this time. _

That day Logan was once again a broken man.

But he would never brake down on this day. Not on this day. He would never let _her _ruin Madison's birthday. He wouldn't be the man holding a grudge against his kid, blaming his kid for her mother leaving…so he always promised to make this day a special day for his daughter. No matter how much it hurt him in the end.

"_Are you okay, sugah?" Marie asked, slowly sitting next to Logan._

"_Why wouldn't I be?" _

"_Because of what today is…you don't have to do anything for Maddie you know. She's barely two. She won't even remember." Marie tried._

_Logan simply growled. "No! I will not let her ruin my child's day. Not on this day Marie. She can have the other 364 days a year. But not on this day Marie! Today is Maddie's."_

He might have been the bastard everyone thought he was, but not to Maddie, never to Maddie.

He tried to save her from the pain of knowing her mother had left. That before she could even stand, her mother had given up on them both. So he lied. Lied to his little girl.

"_Dadda, whea's my mommy?" Little three year old Madison asked. She was a bright little child, observant. She had noticed that at the park all the little kids had a mommy except her. _

_So Logan said the first thing that came to mind. "She's gone, Maddie."_

_And he almost broke at the sight of her teary eyes. "Gone were? She didn't love me?"_

"_No, no, no, Maddie. She loved you very much."_

"_Den where is she?" _

_Heaving a deep breath, Logan replied "You remember aunt Kitty's gold fish?"_

"_Fishy?" She asked._

"_Yes, fishy. Remember how he had to go to sleep?"_

"_Yeah..." Madison answered, scared of where this was going._

"_Well, when you were a little baby, your mommy had to go to sleep because she was sick. But your mommy loved you very much. And you have me, pumpkin. Don't you love me?"_

_The little child got up from her bed and hugged Logan as tightly as her little hands could grip._

"_Of couse' I love you daddy. You the best dad in the whole wo'ld"_

Was lying the right thing to do? Probably not. But he was damned if he'd ever hurt Maddie the way _she_ had hurt them both.

'It is better to have loved and lost, than to have not loved at all' someone had once told him.

But he soon found it was all a lie.

_It was easier without you. I prefer never have had you then to have lost you like this. _

No, he would not find sleep this night. Not _this _night. The night that to him, Jean Grey died.

Okay so that's chapter two.

Let me know how much I sucked!

Please review. Thanks!


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